i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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