Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
