Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
