Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This house was built for laser tag.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm just crazy horny about you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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