"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
