What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
