11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
