it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
