Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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