Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
