My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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