my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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