Pappa wants mamma naked
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
