I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
