Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
