One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
