sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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