apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
