I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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