why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
