I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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