I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
