No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
