I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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