Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
