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• (760): View more from California

  Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in

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• (916): View more from California

  this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight

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• (716): View more from New York

  I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck

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• (619): View more from California

  Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Hey! you should come over!

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"

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• (954): View more from Florida

  The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her

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