I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
