when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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