Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
