I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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