be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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