i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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