i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
