you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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