Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
