I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
