his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
