I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
