So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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