my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
