I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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