Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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