i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
