Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just had sex bonerless
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
