I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
