I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
