I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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