If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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