maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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