Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
